Too good at parallel parking

I am a woman driver. This title gives me the right to park how I like and not know how wide my car is. I have to admit I just don't know how wide my car is. I tend to just hold my breathe while going through a narrow space and hope I make it through. However, I am actually not too bad at parking, in fact I might be too good. Parallel parking is my speciality.
In my view, the idea with parallel parking is to get as close to the kerb as you can. This keeps your precious car out of harms way. Sometimes I don't leave any space at all between the car's wheels and the kerb, which, by definition, is perfect parking. Dr. P doesn't seem to agree. She is starting to point out that the hubs on the wheels have quite a few scratches and that maybe it's not too good for the tyres to have kerb pressing into them. She seems to think that there should be an inch or two between the wheel of the car and the kerb. Maybe she's right, but if the wing mirror is ever broken off by a passing vehicle I will most definitely have to do the "told you so" dance.

Sometimes it's fun to be a goldfish

Although being a goldfish is hard (see below), sometimes it can be fun. It's fun because I love surprises and when you have no memory you get surprises all the time! Most people can't really surprise themselves. I, however, am a bit different. Sometimes I send myself an email with an important document attached as a way of transfering it to another computer. Usually about 1 minute afterwards, I get excited by the "You've got mail" pop-up on my computer. I think maybe I am getting something exciting to distract me from work like a nice email from a friend or the latest deals from Amazon. I open the mail only to find that the email is from myself. I've got to admit I usually get a little disappointed, but at least it was a surprise, for a few seconds I had no idea who the email was from.....

I usually get great birthday presents. I feel people can read my mind. I will tell them just after I have opened a fantastic present "Thanks! how on earth did you know that I wanted one of these?" just to be told "you told me you wanted that last month". Not only do I have no memory of telling them I wanted it, I sometimes don't even remember wanting it, but when it is presented infront of me it seems like a great idea.

I really love surprises, and that's why it's not always bad to be a goldfish.

It's not easy being a goldfish

I am not blessed with a good memory. I don't remember ever having a good memory. I'm not senile, as far as I know, I just don't really remember things. It's not very practical. Dr. P has left me in charge of the weekly grocery shop. The consequence of this is we have about 9 cans of tuna and12 tins of sweetcorn in our cupboard. Not to mention the 7 cans of crushed tomatoes. At least we won't starve to death. I usually do the grocery shopping online, sometimes I even check what we have before I start but by the time I get back to my computer I've forgotten again.
Names and faces are a nightmare. On several occasions I have introduced myself to someone I believe I'm meeting for the first time, just to be told "I met you last week". Last week, I did the reverse. It was like a double bluff. I met someone I was sure I hadn't met before, but because of my goldfish memory, I decided I probably had. So I didn't introduce myself and of course I then found out that I had never seen her before in my life.
Finding things at home can be a challenge. That's why I asked Dr. P to move in with me. She is a walking filing cabinet, I just ask her where my red shoes are and she always knows (sometimes the answer might be "you're wearing them"). So having Dr. P around really makes life so much easier, until I forget her name.......

Someone special (and not in a good way)

When I was in Sweden, I was surprised to hear people call someone that I had found exceedingly annoying "special". But I soon learnt that when these diplomatic Swedes call someone "special", they really mean "exceedingly annoying".
Now, we all know someone "special". Without trying, they successfully annoy or insult everyone they interact with. I guess that is special to be able to achieve that.
You know, the sort of person that if you told them that your cat had been knocked down, rather than showing sympathy, they would ask why you let it on to the road. I think they are an interesting breed of people. Are you born special or do you become that way? Maybe you choose to be special? Do you notice your social incompetence? If you are special, do you think your actions are normal and everyone around you is "special"? I definitely think there should be more scientific studies into special people. But until science can provide the answers, I recommend that when you see a special person coming, hide. I've tried talking about the weather, but somehow you end up being told you are solely responsible for global warming.......

What do cats learn in cat school?

According to my friend Paula, cats learn toe-hunting skills in cat school. I have obviously been so naive. I assumed when I left Indy alone at home, she spends her time snoozing on the sofa. Apparently that is not the case. She meets up with other cats and together they share essential skills.
Most of these skills are focused towards having full control over your owner. How to perfect the "I'm so cute" look, so you get whatever you want. How to miaow as if you were starving to death when in reality you ate 10 minutes ago and just feel like a little snack.
Chasing the toes, well that's just a bit of fun to hear your owner squeal. Especially at night, when you're not getting enough attention.
Indy the cat is an A grade student at cat school. She is fantastic at chasing toes in the middle of the night. Not only can she demand food and successfully get it served within 90 seconds, she somehow has even laid down the law to which flavours she will accept. We are so proud of our A-grade cat, who is so smart, she can even use a cat flap.

Meet Indy the cat

We have lived with Indy the cat for about a month now. She is absolutely gorgeous. Most of the time. She is not quite so popular at 6am on a Sunday morning, when she thinks we should be up and entertaining her, but in general she is the most beautiful cat ever. And I'm not at all biased.....

German lessons

I have started taking German lessons. Very funny language. I don't think they mean to be, it just works out that way. The numbers are back to front. Instead of saying thirtytwo they would say "two and thirty". These guys must love arithmetic. On top of that, it keeps you in suspense a bit longer. You ask "how old are you?", and they start saying "two and......" before they can finish you are wondering for a split second whether the last part will reveal that they are in their forties, thirties, fifties......
In English you would answer "thirty...." and before they finish at least we know to the nearest 10 years what they will say.

You have to learn everything twice. Informal version and formal version. Can't they just use one version and add the word "please" on the end to make it formal? Informal version: What age are you? Formal version: What age are you, please?
That would make life so much easier for everyone. Yes, they should have consulted me when making up this language......

Pronounciation is a practical joke by the language Gods. Try saying "Welche Sprachen sprichst du?" after a few beers. If you haven't swallowed your tongue trying to say that you deserve a gold star.

I'll keep you updated on my progress.........